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From a young age, I was acutely aware of how different I was..
by Pernima Fernando on Mar 12 2025
Words by Grace Jyothi Hullah
As an intercountry adoptee born on the sun-soaked southeastern coast of India, my life took a turn in 1998 when I was brought to Australia by my loving adoptive parents. They gave me a home filled with unconditional love, support, and care—a foundation that has shaped who I am today. Yet, as much as I am grateful for the life I've lived, my journey growing up in Australia was far from easy.
From a young age, I was acutely aware of how different I was. In a community with little to no diversity, I stood out in ways that made me feel isolated. I was the odd one out—the girl with dark skin and thick, curly hair in a sea of fair faces and straight locks. No matter how much love surrounded me at home, I couldn't escape the feeling that I didn't quite belong.
My parents were my greatest supporters. They showered me with affirmations of my beauty and worth every single day. My mother would look at me with her warm smile and tell me how special I was, and my father would echo her words with unwavering conviction. But as a child and teenager, their words felt like they were meant for someone else. Deep down, I didn't believe them.
I vividly remember being 13 years old, sitting across from one of my friends who seemed to embody everything I thought I should be. She had tanned white skin that glowed in the sunlight, long golden hair that cascaded effortlessly down her back, and piercing green eyes that seemed to hold the world's attention. She was everything I wasn't—and everything I wanted to be.
I would glance at my mother, whose alabaster complexion and fiery red hair mirrored those of the rest of my family. She fit seamlessly into the world around us, while I felt like an outsider looking in. Envy gnawed at me as I wished for her features instead of my own. Why couldn't I look like her? Why couldn't I look like everyone else?
I grew to despise the very things that made me unique—my deep brown skin that seemed too dark in every light, my unruly curls that refused to be tamed, and my curvier frame that set me apart from the slender girls around me. These feelings consumed me during my teenage years, leading me down a path of self-erasure as I desperately tried to conform to what society deemed "beautiful."
I remember standing in front of the mirror for hours, straightening my hair until it smelled burnt and brittle under the heat. Every swipe of a skin-lightening cream stung my cheeks but promised to bring me closer to an ideal that felt so unattainable. My makeup became a mask—layers upon layers designed to hide the face staring back at me. But no matter how much effort I put into changing myself, it never felt like enough.
I tried so hard to fit into the mold of an "Australian girl," but it came at the cost of losing myself. Looking back now, it breaks my heart to think about how much pain I carried during those years—how much energy I spent trying to erase parts of myself that were me all along.
When I turned 18, everything began to change. Moving away from home and settling into the city felt like taking a deep breath after years of suffocation. For the first time in my life, I wasn't constantly reminded of how different I was. The city was alive with diversity—people from all walks of life who didn't fit into any one mold. I found myself surrounded by faces that looked like mine, stories that echoed my own, and a sense of community I had never experienced before.
In this new environment, I slowly began to shed the layers of insecurity that had clung to me for so long. I started to see my brown skin as rich and beautiful, my curly hair as a crown of strength and heritage. My curves became a celebration of my femininity rather than a source of shame. It was a gradual process, filled with moments of doubt and backsliding, but each day I grew more comfortable in my own skin.
As I entered my late twenties, I felt a pull to reconnect with my roots. With the unwavering support of my parents and my wonderful partner, I embarked on a journey back to India—back to the village where my life began. The experience was nothing short of transformative. Walking the streets where I might have grown up, breathing in the air thick with spices and history, I felt a profound sense of belonging wash over me.
I volunteered in the community, immersing myself in the culture and traditions that were my birthright. Every question I asked, every story I heard, every face I saw—they all pieced together parts of my identity that had been missing for so long. It wasn't just about discovering my origins; it was about finding another place to call home.
My Indian heritage has led me on a journey of rediscovery, drawing me towards Ayurvedic skincare and holistic living. As I embraced my roots, I found comfort in the ancient wisdom that has nourished Indian skin and bodies for millennia. Ayurveda's holistic approach resonates deeply with me, addressing not just external beauty but inner balance as well with yoga and the power of the mind. The natural ingredients and time-honored practices feel like a connection to my ancestors, a way to honor my cultural identity. This shift towards Ayurvedic skincare isn't just about beauty—it's a path to self-acceptance and harmony. By incorporating these traditional methods into my daily routine, I've found a sense of wholeness that goes beyond skin deep.
This journey of self-discovery and acceptance has been long and often saddening, but it has led me to a place of profound peace and pride in who I am. Today, I wear my Indian heritage like a badge of honor. My curly hair flows freely, no longer constrained by heat and chemicals. I've embraced my natural beauty, often forgoing makeup altogether. The traditional jewelry and clothing I once shied away from now adorn my body with pride, each piece a testament to my journey and my roots.
I look in the mirror now and see a woman who is whole—a beautiful blend of two cultures, two homes, two stories that have woven together to create something unique and precious. The girl who once wished to be someone else has grown into a woman who wouldn't change a thing about herself.
My story is one of transformation, of learning to love the very things I once tried to change. It's a reminder that our differences are not flaws to be corrected but gifts to be cherished. To anyone out there struggling with their identity, feeling out of place or not enough—I see you. Your journey may be difficult, but I promise there's beauty and strength waiting to be discovered within you.
As I continue to grow and evolve, I carry with me the love of my adoptive family, the richness of my Indian heritage, and the strength I've found in embracing all parts of myself. I am no longer just an intercountry adoptee trying to fit in—I am a proud Indian-Australian woman, standing tall in the knowledge that I belong exactly as I am.

Ramesh Mario Nithiyendran: Exploring Identity and Tradition through Contemporary Art
by Pernima Fernando on Mar 17 2024
Ramesh Mario Nithiyendran
Image: Jiwon Kim
Ramesh Mario Nithiyendran is a Sri Lankan-Australian artist whose work challenges traditional notions of identity, gender, and religion through a contemporary lens. Born in Sri Lanka and raised in Australia, Nithiyendran's multicultural background is evident in his bold and provocative art pieces that push boundaries and provoke thought.
One of Nithiyendran's most notable works is his ceramic sculptures that combine elements of traditional South Asian art with a modern twist. His sculptures often feature exaggerated and distorted figures that challenge conventional ideas of beauty and perfection. By subverting traditional forms and techniques, Nithiyendran creates pieces that are both visually striking and conceptually rich.
Image: Jiwon Kim
In addition to his ceramic sculptures, Nithiyendran also works in a variety of other mediums, including painting, drawing, and installation. His diverse body of work explores themes of sexuality, spirituality, and cultural identity, inviting viewers to question their own preconceptions and biases.Nithiyendran's art has been exhibited in galleries and museums around the world, earning him critical acclaim and recognition for his innovative approach to contemporary art. Through his work, he continues to push boundaries and challenge norms, inviting viewers to engage with complex and often uncomfortable ideas.Image: Jiwon Kim
Overall, Ramesh Mario Nithiyendran is a visionary artist whose work offers a fresh perspective on issues of identity, tradition, and modernity. By blending elements of his cultural heritage with a contemporary sensibility, he creates art that is both thought-provoking and visually stunning, leaving a lasting impact on all who encounter it.Image: Jessica Maurer

A South Asian Songstress ~ Jordane
by Pernima Fernando on Feb 10 2024
Jordane, an ultra talented Australian, Anglo-Indian songwriter and songstress hailing from Melbourne-via-Perth, is a true inspiration.
Her musical style draws influences from renowned artists such as Kehlani, Jorja Smith, and Lauryn Hill. Personally for me, she exudes the essence of Snoh Alegra's Neo Soul and Contemporary R&B, Jordane however has carved her own unique path in the music industry.
We are thrilled to have her kickstart our Cultural Renaissance project, as she represents the incredible talent of South Asian artists, which has long been underrated.
With the current takeover in the arts and creative space, the prominence of our South Asian artists is becoming increasingly evident.
We had the pleasure of interviewing Jordane to give you a deeper insight into her journey as a songstress. Make sure to follow her on Instagram and check out her music on Spotify and YouTube.
Can you share with us how your South Asian heritage has influenced your music/ style and how you incorporate that with your music genre?
I have used elements of my South Asian culture in many aspects of my music, mainly visually with mehendi and styling. I've recently come to this conclusion that even if I am not actively trying to facilitate my South Asian culture into my artistry, no matter what I do I will always be integrating it by just being myself.
What has been your experience living in Australia as a South Asian artist? Have you faced any unique challenges or opportunities?
It's definitely a unique experience. There is no real lane as an Australian South Asian Artist which I'm now learning to be the most unique part of myself. There are definitely challenges in finding my audience and people that I can relate to but in the same way it's been amazing when I am approached by people with the same intentions of diversifying the industry.
Could you tell us about your journey into music and singing? What inspired you to pursue a career in this field?
I grew up around a lot of music, lots of country and blues. My cousins and I would all play in a band together and we would perform for all the family events. I started singing a lot in church as well and from there I just kept singing at every opportunity. I then started writing my own songs but would never have imagined actually releasing anything because I was so shy. Seeing my brother release music made me see how possible it was and so I just woke up one day and decided to release. It was a really spontaneous decision, like a now or never choice and since then I have just continued to do it (but with a lot more intention).
How has the South Asian community supported you in your musical pursuits? Have you found a strong network or fan base within this community?
There has been such a huge South Asian community presence I have felt around me. It's an amazing feeling when you get the support from other artists in general but when you feel a community of all the brown people its so nice hearing that they feel you are relatable.
What was your family's reaction when you decided to pursue music as a career? Did they offer support and encouragement, or did you face any resistance?
My family are very supportive, they didn't really have a choice especially when my brother and I are both in the music industry. They are always sharing our music and coming to all our shows.
What are your hopes and aspirations within the music industry? Are there any specific goals or milestones you would like to achieve?
I just want to be able to make music that is real for me, that other people can relate too and to create a lane of music within the industry that doesn't exist. I want to create a space that my younger self never saw so younger people will see how much is possible.
As a South Asian artist, have you faced any particular experiences or challenges that have shaped your journey? How have you navigated these obstacles?
I think the biggest challenge as a South Asian artist is the lack of representation in the industry. Growing up and not seeing women who looked like you made me believe that pursuing music wasn't even a possibility. As I grew older though I began to realise how I could use this to my advantage by creating my own lane and diversifying the industry in the way that I felt it was lacking.
Lastly, what is your all-time favourite self-care ritual and what is your favourite type of skincare product, ie: moisturiser, actives, Haircare ?
As a teenager I had really bad skin. I used to use so many products and tried so many things, and I found my holy grail was a face mask I would make with tumeric, greek yogurt and lemon juice. I still use this ALL the time. That plus a moisturiser at the end of the day before bed. ahhh, heaven.
You can follow Jordane’s journey via
Insta: @Sayjordane
Follow on Spotify: Jordane
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